Can I Leave You Breathless? (Contest)

Brenda Drake is hosting a Can You Leave Us Breathless Blogfest Contest.

Can you leave us breathless? On October 21 post an excerpt from your novel or other writings to your blog. If you want, you can write something new for the contest. Only one entry per participant. It can be up to 300 words (if the allotted word count falls in the middle of a sentence than go to the end). It can be scary. It could be a romance. A thrill ride. A twist. It can be any genre. All you have to do is make us gasp. You can end with a cliff hanger. You can get gory. Whatever. Just leave us breathless.

From October 21-23 hop to the other participants’ blogs and comment. A team of secret judges will be hopping along too, choosing their favorites. On October 24th the semi-finalists will be announced on my blog and you all can vote for your favorites.

  • Excerpt: New writing for contest.
  • Word count: 299 words.
  • Genre: Contemporary. 

 

Only Skin Deep

 

As I opened the bedroom door, the morning warmth held hostage in the big white room escaped past me, leaving tingles on my skin as it tap-danced across my freshly shaved face. The glimmering golden rays of the morning sun languished into a spotlight on the large rumpled bed, illuminated her ruffled hair splashed across the plump white pillows like a careless slash of blood.

She was so beautiful, my wife.

Yesterday I took her riding along a quiet trail on the side of a mountain. It led to a waterfall and shallow pool where we stopped for lunch. She unpacked the food from the saddlebags, smiling at me as I lay out a tartan blanket next to the pool. Afterwards, she slipped off her shoes and outer clothes, and submerged into the cold water.

She had my rapt attention, and she knew it. My eyes clung to every curve. But no matter how many times she bathed, she could never wash it away. It wrapped around her and sank through her skin to the being beneath. A being that twisted and shrivelled into something hideous.

I watched as she climbed out of the pool, her clothes clinging to her wet skin, her flame-red hair dripping and now a darker shining shade of auburn. I couldn’t fault her for being beautiful. But her beauty was only skin deep.

I sat on the bed and stroked down the side of her face, the skin soft as silk. I smoothed a strand of ruby-red hair back from her pale forehead. She opened her deep blue eyes and smiled sleepily up at me. I pressed my lips to her forehead and my hands went behind her shoulders, stroked her long white throat. I kissed her goodbye.

And broke the cheating whore’s fucking neck.

Posted on October 21, 2011, in Bloghop, Flash Fiction and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 37 Comments.

  1. I love that ending. I was definitely breathless when I read that. The end was so sharp and brutal. It worked really well

  2. HOLY WHA?! That was horrible and awesome, and yes, I am breathless. Nice!!

  3. Wow! Very strong. I like it:-) ~ Tammy Holloway

  4. Wow. That’s a really strong passage. Didn’t see the end coming. I love your word choices :)

  5. That was crazy. Nicely done.

  6. Awesoome gasp-worthy ending! My favorite paragraph is the one about her bathing but not being able to wash it away. A darkly emotional piece. Nice job!

  7. Just ‘wow’. what an unexpected ending! Very well done!

  8. You did leave me breathless! awesome!

  9. LOL. Sorry, that ending was awesome. Great job!

  10. Wow… I saw it coming, because I knew it was about being breathless, but boy, what a switch around! Great concept!

  11. Loved it! So sweet…and then so demented!

  12. I very much liked this. So different from most of the other entries and very much in tune with Halloween imho. I only stumbled over this sentence: But no matter how many times she bathed, she could never wash it away. The “it” is too vague, understanding only came with the last sentence. Maybe there is another word that is slightly more precise but still in keeping with the story?

    • Thanks very much for your comment, Cat. And I agonised over that sentence. I’m sorry you stumbled over it, but I needed it to be able to convey the foreshadowing of the final sentence without stating exactly what the issue was. The fact that understanding came with the final sentence was my goal, and I am glad I achieved it. Thanks for stopping by!

  13. Thank you for participating in Can You Leave Us Breathless? Blogfest Contest. Your entry has been judged.

    Good luck!

    The Judges
    (Connie, Joannine, Marissa, and Brenda)

  14. Eeek! I love how you give us little suggestions about how he feels about her along the way.

  15. Really enjoyed the movement of time that you achieved in this small amount of space. Great conflict and detail. I enjoyed this one a lot.

  16. Wow. this was awesome! Definitely took my breath away. Whew.

  17. Oh, I just love that ending!

  18. Congratulations on being a finalist. This was may favorite from the start. I was still thinking of it the next day, while I’d fogrotten about all the rest. You got my vote! Good luck!

  1. Pingback: Semi-Finalist List for Can You Leave Us Breathless Contest « Lissa Writes

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